You're the Lady with Seven!

Beth used to go with her friend, Sue, to walk Sue’s three-legged dog named Seven. They got to know other walkers in the park by the names of their dogs rather than the owner’s name. Seven was very distinctive as a cheerful Doberman with three legs, and everybody knew her. Trying to place Beth’s face after bumping into her in the grocery store, a woman said, “Oh yeah, you’re the lady with Seven!” Beth was only vaguely familiar and fuzzy, but Seven was vivid.

We do not want Chelsey to be seen as that one girl with bipolar. We don’t want her defined by an illness. We do not want to be thought of solely as the family with the fascinating mental health issues, or just as Chelsey’s mom and dad. We do not want to see ourselves as focused on problems or merely coping. That is not who we are. We’re more than this issue, and we refuse to be consumed or defined in such limited and negative terms.

How can we reinforce that broader sense of identity for both Chelsey and ourselves, despite the need to spend significant time and attention on recovery? How can we broaden and deepen our strengths and positive emotions while dealing with negative changes? That’s worth pondering, but here are early reactions.

• Quit blogging about it. Keep a low public and mental profile on this topic.
• Think about it less and other stuff more. Attention is what shapes days and identity.
• Think about Chelsey and her care differently. See and treat her more as a whole human being just as she is, and that will shape how Chelsey and others see the situation. She’s processing the world differently now, that’s all. Explore with her, sincerely value the new experiences, and celebrate the new life rather than mourning loss.
• Play. Diversify interests. Emphasize and broaden the activities and fun available.
• Stay in the present and enjoy it. Much of our distress is about the uncertain future, and we would be better off focusing on what we can do constructively in this moment.
• Recognize that we have a choice between viewing activities (e.g., 4-hour roundtrip visits, treatment negotiation) as burden, as routine, as service, or as enjoyable opportunities. We can chillax or freak out; the situation doesn’t dictate our response. We can choose how to frame the situation.
• Be like the granny who never complained about her 80 years of gout/cancer/broken ribs.