Acceptance vs. Faith

Skip this if you just want an update, OK? Beth says that this idea is deeper than the blog and seems more about us than about Chelsey. She was on the fence about posting it.

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Accepting a “new normal” helps end a crisis, but where is the right balance between adjusting to negative conditions and having faith that they will improve? Would a strong person expect perfect healing or fight harder to restore everything 100%? Does acceptance and planning mean we are comfortable with the illness, that it serves us, or that we secretly want it? Does it mean we lack faith or that we "attracted" the challenge into our life? 

Getting all wrapped up in these questions can be like believing the victims of the recent Colorado theater shooting were somehow to blame for the deaths, or believing that they can return 100% to the way they were before the attack. Such questions are close cousins to the age old, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Such questions have been beaten to death by better minds than mine, but here are reactions based on our Chelsey experience.

·         Acceptance is of the present moment, and faith emphasizes the future. Our acceptance is of the current reality as we understand it, not of the idea that it will never change. Planning as if Chelsey has a long-term illness does not mean we give up hope of eliminating the illness.

·         Acceptance even involves faith and hope in the present. We can choose how to frame the new reality we’re accepting – as burden, hardship, and injustice on the one hand, or as opportunity, temporary growth stimulus, and part of a greater good on the other hand. Or we could frame it as something else entirely. Acceptance is more an act of creative faith and storytelling than an act of resignation to an objective, externally imposed prison.

·         I don’t know if we/Chelsey somehow attracted or willed this change into being. I do not believe that we can magically positive-think the delusions out of Chelsey. Beth and I do believe that it can work for good. We trust that love is the ultimate guiding principle behind all events, and it still surrounds and permeates our family. Everything will be fine. In a sense, faith makes acceptance possible. It’s acceptance and faith, not vs. faith.

·         Our faith and trust is relative to the big picture, the overall pattern of our lives, and the greater good of all involved. We can accept what seems to be negative in the daily details because the overall pattern we see is overwhelmingly positive.

·         Who is to say that even this change is necessarily negative in the long run? I’m reminded of an analogy we read when Chelsey was first born with disabilities. Having a disabled child is like having your plane rerouted to Holland when you planned to go to Italy. Holland may violate your expectations, but it can be a wonderful place in its own right. Chelsey’s past challenges have also created our greatest strengths and most cherished memories, helping define us. This could be more of the same.

·         Perhaps full faith and trust would involve more than acceptance. Perhaps we’ll reach a point where we’ll embrace this as positive in most important respects, feeling grateful it happened. I don't know. I’m not there right now, but I’m at least open to good that may come.