On the Bright Side

·         We are relatively well equipped for this as parents. We’ve been toughened and seasoned in past healthcare wars. We have more time and short-term flexibility than we’ve ever had before. We’re familiar with mental health issues; we can talk her through stuff, and we are informed, educated partners with the staff. We are resilient. We’re experts at navigating healthcare systems, insurance, and government bureaucracies (well, Beth is anyway). We have faith (well, Beth does anyway).

·         Chelsey has what it takes. Time and time again, she has shown courage, patience, persistence, and determination in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges. She stoically accepts and moves forward. These snapshots made me proud and teary:

o   She has been shouting staccato statements about who she is and is not, demanding that people treat her right. In the imaginary TRON world she’s been inhabiting, Programs are second class citizens to Users and Designers. The other day she screamed in rage, body tense and face red, “I. AM. NOT. A. PROGRAAAAAM!”

o   She was being stubbornly uncooperative, refusing to go from one room to another after we explained how much we wanted her to be strong and work on the things she could influence to get back home. We ended by encouraging her to show us how strong she was and extending a hand to help her up to. Instead of coming, she grabbed Beth’s hand and squeezed it fiercely with her muscles bulging and her face turning red. Even the stubbornness is part of her strength that helps her through.

o   Chelsey was crumpled on the floor yesterday as we got up to leave. After a reminder about the path back home, she kind of whimpered an OK and dragged herself off the floor to give us a good-bye hug. I could just see her mustering her strength, weighing her resolve, and deciding what she was willing to do. Choosing between losing it and shouting vs. going limp vs. getting up and moving on. Getting up off the floor may seem small, but it struck me as momentous and courageous at the time.

·         Good has come of this, and more will come.

o   Chelsey’s further developing strength and resilience, deepening already remarkably deep resources. I also see flashes of assertiveness and fierceness that I haven’t seen before. She has been timid and hated to so much as order for herself at McDonald’s in the past, but she’s now pounding on the nurse’s window and shouting to demand food or a glass of water. There’s good and bad in her methods, but this may reveal some hidden strengths that will serve her well.

o   Beth and I are a good team and getting better. This draws us closer and makes us more appreciative of each other. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company (although I do wish Beth could develop more of a taste for gallows humor).

o   For all involved, there’s potential to deepen traits like compassion, empathy, service, resilience, and persistence. Many of our existing strengths are tailor-made to handle this challenge, and this will broaden and deepen those strengths.