Ain’t Nobody Want to See You Naked

When a patient came out of her room saying, “Look at me, I don’t have pull-ups,” a nurse loudly replied, “Ain’t nobody want to see you naked, get back in your room!” Some patients do it because they’re simply unaware, but others seem to streak as a misguided attempt at intimacy, a way to act out, or a way to get a shocked reaction. The typical response to nude wanderers as they’re gently ushered away is, “It’s inappropriate. Nobody wants to see your junk.”

I think hardships are like psych ward nudity in some respects. Deep, sustained sharing outside your inner circle is inappropriate, and nobody wants prolonged exposure to the pain of others. Nobody wants to see your psychic junk. Unless they’re going through it with you, who wants to spend a lot of time thinking about mental illness, injury, or whatever your crisis may be? Only a handful:  your dearest friends, paid professionals, saints, and sadists.

Broadly sharing details over time could turn us into a sinkhole of negativity, an energy vampire to ourselves and others. I have known energy vampires who think and talk only about themselves and their woe. I came to think of them in terms of their hardships and list of problems, rather than as complete human beings. That’s how they seemed to define themselves. I now avoid them for my own sanity and because they seem beyond help. I’m afraid I have been one at times, and I’m afraid focusing so much attention on the negative aspects of Chelsey’s situation creates a risk of moving in that direction. I don’t want to be an energy charity case.

It’s so seductive to share pain. The pain is top of mind. Sharing and helping each other is what friends do. Transparency about both good and bad events is a virtue. The hardship is often unique or unusual, making it an interesting, easy topic. Talking about hardship also creates a sense of connection, taking the edge off the loneliness and fear of facing the unknown all alone.

However, sharing negative details for too long can become a misguided attempt at intimacy. It can become a one-way plea for sympathy and support out of neediness. It can reinforce defining oneself in terms of the problem rather than strengths. It can reinforce one-dimensional expectations and interactions with others, at least subconsciously.

Deep, detailed sharing of hardship is for family, support groups, and books with an audience of people in similar situations. With that in mind, we’ll be altering our blog and our mindset. We’ll wind down the blog soon. In the meantime, we’ll still share details and reflections, but hopefully with a positive spin. Also, reflections we include will primarily be with the intent to help others going through their own crisis in the future – not necessarily current friends. We have some hits from strangers in Russia and Europe, believe it or not, so maybe others looking for blogs on this topic might stumble on our experience and find it useful. If not, it has at least been a cathartic processing tool. We just don’t want to wallow in trouble or overshare pain.